Sacrifice

For years I have said,
“Sacrifice, putting yourself in
a better position to be blessed.”
Now with empty arms…

Hurts depth surprising
Ripping me from joy—
Why all prior pains,
Dim when compared?

Sacrifice—what beforehand
Had I given up, left at His feet..
Each soon showed the wisdom
Of the offerings, adjustment made…

None touch the loss now extracted
My arms now ache for what
They once held so tenderly—
My child, my girl—Katelynn.

My smile betrays my hidden pain.
Faith, promises and covenants
All will be right all made possible
By He who knows our anguish.

Think of there, she remembers us
We hold the honor of her—so the
Sacrifice is one of time, now missing.
Waiting for eternity, enduring time.

By Leta Greene

Happy 37th Birthday to Nathan-- Nathaniel, Ailsa and Katelynn's wonderful daddy and my amazing, strong and caring husband.

Last night was grief group. We talked about the idea of fairness. How some seem to have a perfect life. Why is that? Why do others get a better ride in life? Is it that we just don’t see their real life, yes that is true. We really don’t know what happens in the lives of others, we can only know what we see of them out of their homes, but even then, we don’t know their hearts. Yes, yes, I hear all that. If life is a ride, imagine some kind of rollercoaster; an easy thing for me to envision, that is what life has been for the Greene’s! Life has never been easy; personally I don’t expect it to be. Does that sound bitter? I don’t say that with bitterness, I just think that life is life and heaven is the destination I imagine will provide rest from the drama of life.

As I see it, there are two kinds of drama - the self inflicted kind and the kind that just happens—like UTA bus drivers that think they will “probably clear the cyclist” (Nathan was hit by a UTA bus while riding his bike on Aug 21, 2007). The trick to life is not causing your drama. I think of the term “baby mama” and think “drama.” Or perhaps, I am just a little jealous of people having babies so casually, so easily—it is not fair! Well, life is not fair. And last night as we were discussing the “ride” others seem to get in life I said, “I wouldn’t wish this pain on others… I think that some do just get a better ride.” Some lives are just easier. Some just do get a better ride in life, some do just have and others don’t, that is life. It is by definition unfair and hard, I believe life was meant to be a test, to see what we would choose. We cannot smooth out the ride for others, we are not meant too. (Congress are you listening to this?) What the ride brings us is character. There is only one way to earn character and that is through going forward when things are hard. As for life being fair--for those that have an easier ride—actually, that is all of us. How many of us had breakfast this morning? How many of us have clean clothes? How many of us have shelter? Hot water? When you think about others who have been dealt life in other parts of the world; with war, hunger, infections and even misquotes kill.

I am blessed that my baby had the best health care in the world extended to her. I am blessed that I was allowed to have her, a baby that some would say wasn’t worth taking the chance and using resources on. I am blessed because I lived just a mere 35 minutes from the hospital and was able to see her everyday. I am blessed because I am Katelynn’s mother. No, life isn’t fair—and for that we are blessed. Some do just get an easier ride and that is us. I don’t want life to be fair, I don’t want you to feel the pain I feel at the loss of Katelynn but I do wish for each of you to know her. She is a reminder of heaven, a reminder that we all need to have a perspective that this is life, a time for us to “prepare to meet God.” What will we choose? I choose to be the best I can, I have many weaknesses, I don’t always say the right thing, I am not yet the person I want to become, but I am trying and at the end of the day I like who I am—I choose to look to eternity, because by looking to eternity is the only way this hurt is bearable.