Some 2,000 days later

I stumbled upon this site www.secretcaringforkatelynn.blogspot.com started by a dear friend of mine Raquel Lubbers-- she asked all of our friends (secretly) to submit what Katelynn taught and made their comments into a book.

It is beyond precious to me.  

I read its pages, my kids pull it out.. It is like her baby book.  

I read the compliments and praise of you my friends and am humbled that you give Nathan and I so much credit for getting through the difficulty and pain at her death. It was Gods strength his goodness, comfort, grace, power, love and holding us that gave us the strength.  5 years now after her death I can laugh without forcing it.  The processes that I consciously developed to move forward are a habit now... the pain is as raw as ever but something I couldn't imagine then was how whole the joy is now.  There is still this hole in our family we miss her-- I am not even sure I can put into words what I am trying to share.  Perhaps some other grieving mom will find these words and think perhaps I can to move forward?  Not only have we gone on finding the breath, steps and ability to move our lives somehow because of what we endured and loss we are not only walking but soaring.  We are enhanced by the pain in our ability to love deeper, to be more thankful to savor the perfect moments-- and that is really what makes life sweet. That is the good stuff.  We are busy, we are happy and we thank God for it all.  I am thankful to not only have been Katelynn's mom but to still be her mom.
#blessed #infantloss